Introducing My World, My Everything: WwLW’s Relationship Advice Column for Multilinguals and Language Learners

April is here and with it, as with the beginning of every month,  comes an opportunity for introspection.

So as some of you know I have two primary spheres of my life filled with multilingualism.

One of these is my freelancing business which involves both translating and teaching. Another one of them involves the various language social events I attend on a weekly basis.

There is one aspect of crossover that is had in both of these spheres and that is the fact that often I encounter people who learn languages for the sake of love – either love they’ve found already, or love they seek to find.

It is one of the primary reasons, according to some, that people undertake language learning to begin with. Over half of my students have sited a partner as the primary motivation to learn their target language.

There have only been a handful of articles and podcasts I’ve seen address this topic, among them pieces by Benny Lewis and Olly Richards, and here I am ready to announce “My World, My Everything”, which is going to be a spinoff blog launching on Tu B’av (the Jewish “Valentine’s Day”) later on this year (some time in the summer, I’m too lazy to check a calendar).

The primary focus on the blog is going to be relationship advice, primarily for established couples given that this is one of my primary sources of clientele. But there will also be advice for single multilinguals as well.

Here are some topics I’ll be addressing, feel free to suggest some of your own:

1. Is there a sexiest language? (Hint: not really, the ones you are passionate about the most will make your personality radiate when you speak them).
2. How to use your significant other as a human instant fluency pill.
3. How to use your languages or your national / ethnic background to bolster your attractiveness (most of these principles are not gender-specific).
4. The do’s and don’t’s of learning a language because you fancy a particular native speaker / a nationality in general.
5. How to convince your beloved to use his or her native language with you (even if s/he wants to use another language instead).
6. How to be the best language teacher your boy/girlfriend could ask for.
7. How to find heart-melting ultra-sappy love songs (and the like) in your partner’s target language. Oh, and how to use it properly.
8. How to learn a language together.
9. How to make cultural gaps and differences a source of love rather than a source of tension.
10. How to use languages to repair your relationship, to recover from fights or to get your ex back together with you.

AND LASTLY…

Some of you may know books that deal with culture differences in general. Some of these books I highly recommend checking out include “When Cultures Collide” as well as the “Xenophobes’ Guides” (these are humorous) as well as the “Culture Smart!” books.

A number of relationship guides for various cultures are also in the world, ones that will seek to foster mutual understanding and a spirit of undying love with people across cultures from all over the world.

What are some of the nationalities you’d like to see covered in this series? Let me know!

Anything else you’d like to see covered? Write things in the comments!

Hope April 1^st is treating you well!

The Most Important Piece about Language Learning You’ll Ever Read in Your Life!!!

The 1st of April is here, and with it many reflections!

I’ve decided to provide a number of thoughts that I’ve been thinking about lately about language learning and skill acquisitions.

• Keep in mind that the most important thing that will drive you as a language learner is validation from native speakers. As humans we are built to find approval for ourselves given that in older days not having that approval meant being outcast which in turn meant not surviving. You need to use your language learning as something to broadcast very widely and get approval from. Then and only then will you acquire true motivation with which to continue going.

 

• You don’t really need native speaker voices to learn a language, given how pronunciation in a lot of languages is very similar. Maori and Zulu have very close pronunciation schemes and the “Spanish rule” is usually applied to many vowel sets throughout the world. Your Lonely Planet guide should be enough with the extremely well-written and precise guides for what letter means what.

 

• If you encounter any variety of discouragement from native speakers, take it very, very seriously. Languages other than English and other global languages are becoming more guarded secrets as a result of the UN official languages being so massively proliferated. Most L1 speakers want to keep the languages to themselves.

 

• You should invest as much as possible with every variety of program or book aimed at learners. Immersion can often lead to confusion and demoralization so you need to hold if off as much as possible.

 

• You should realize that the culture present in some places of the internet (e.g. the subreddit /r/languagelearning) in which pretty much every single online polyglot is criticized and deemed a fake is actually very legitimate. Standing up for well-known 10+ fluent language speakers is deemed “cringey to the extreme” and rightly so, as is a culture of encouragement that this feeling-laden and oversensitive world doesn’t need anymore.

 

• Realize that most people in the world aren’t out to encourage you. Not only that, most people will actually view learning any language with extreme jealousy.

 

• There is absolutely no advantage to learning any minority language whatsoever, not even in the translation market.

 

• Realize that there is nothing you can do to stem the tide of mass language death that mass media is creating.

 

• Be as extremely critical with yourself all of the time. The only language skills that are truly valued are those that are near-native. Remember that. And that ties into…

 

• People who post on the Internet are usually always right, because often the critical eye of the average Reddit user will be a lot more honest than that of your friends or that of most native speakers you will encounter.

 

…

Seaking

Introducing: The Wonderful World of Disco Polo!

Those of you who have been following me for a while know that I used to speak some Polish (although not very well), thanks to my being tour guide in Krakow. It occurs to me that, in retrospect, had I not believed the “Critical Learning Period” stuff back when (it was in late 2012 that I got “deprogrammed”, thanks to me finding blogs and some friends telling me otherwise), Polish would be one of my strongest languages.

But it is what it is.

One thing that got me back into learning the language is one of my personal favorite musical sub-genres, known in Poland and elsewhere as “Disco Polo”.

Those who have studied Polish popular music of the contemporary era can detect distinct strands: one of which is before the fall of Communism (in which various groups such as Republika, Manaam, etc. dominated, exporting a lot of their music throughout the whole Eastern Bloc), and after it (which was influenced by dance music, especially from Italy, that is actually REALLY good study music!)

Come to think of it, I highly recommend listening to Disco Polo when studying! Guaranteed to make you get perfect scores on everything!

Anyhow, today is the first of April, causing me to reflect on new beginnings, and given that I haven’t written a lot about Polish culture in too much detail here, I thought that I’d share some songs for you to enjoy.

Here are some of my favorites:

“You’re Crazy!”

Jesteś szalona! x2

I. Miłość odchodzi – słyszę znów z twoich ust,
Zawsze prawda miała jakiś sens,
Te dni jak bajka, piękne jak tysiąc róż,
Ty się śmiałaś zawsze, no i cześć.

REF: Jesteś szalona, mówię ci,
Zawsze nią byłaś,
Skończysz wreszcie śnić?
Nie jesteś aniołem, mówię ci.
Jesteś szalona. x2

II. Na pożegnanie dajesz mi uśmiech swój,
Gdy odchodzisz wszystko burzy się,
Kochałem cię i twe szaleństwa, mocno tak,
Ty się śmiałaś zawsze, no i cześć.

REF: Jesteś szalona, mówię ci… x4

ENGLISH TRANSLATION: I’m lazy, have this one.

“You are Beautiful like a Million Dollars”

LYRICS (for those who obviously want to sing along = everyone, regardless of ability to read, speak or understand Polish)

Nadziei iskra pojawia się lecz czujesz tylko w sobie strach
Pieniądze mieć, bogatym być, słyszałem to już nie raz
Kadilaki, kobiety to moje podniety
Pieniądze i dziewczyna to moja dyscyplina

Ref.:
Jesteś piękna jak milion dolarów
Pragnę Cię jak milion dolarów
Jesteś sexy jak milion dolarów
Rozrywam Twoje ciało, bo ciągle mi jest mało Ciebie
I padam na kolana kobieto kochana
Nie będę już nigdy sam

Idę ulicą, spotykam ludzi, lecz widzę tylko Twoją twarz
Trącony łokciem padam na ziemię, miłości Ci nie mogę dać
Kadilaki, kobiety to moje podniety
Pieniądze i dziewczyna, to moja dyscyplina

Ref.:
Jesteś piękna jak milion dolarów
Pragnę Cię jak milion dolarów
Jesteś sexy jak milion dolarów
Rozrywam Twoje ciało, bo ciągle mi jest mało Ciebie
I padam na kolana kobieto kochana
Nie będę już nigdy sam

Jesteś piękna jak milion dolarów
Pragnę Cię jak milion dolarów
Jesteś sexy jak milion dolarów
I stracę Cię, i stracę Cię na pewno
I stracę Cię, i stracę Cię napewno

English Translation: Absolutely Nothing Original. I’ll write one if you guys beg me enough. Which will probably be in three minutes. By the way, still just as lazy.

 

Ah yes, a song about infidelity! A beacon of morality in these dark times!

“I’m Running Away from the Wife”

1. Och jak mnie boli głowa
A z boku znowu ona
Ciągle w swych farmazonach topi się
Już dłużej nie wytrzymam
I gdzie tu moja wina
Choć kiedyś ta dziewczyna inne nie
Kobieto weź ogarnij się
Za chwilę tu nie będzie mnie

Ja wychodzę z domu
Ciemną nocą po kryjomu
Uciekam od żony
Jej gadaniem już znudzony
Jadę na milano
Poflirtować z młodą panną
Bo gdy nie ma Ciebie
Jestem jak bóg młody w niebie (x2)

2. Już zaraz chyba skonam
Nade mną ciągle ona
Jak zwierzę rozwścieczona mówi że
To wszystko moja wina
A ona cud dziewczyna
Monolog swój zaczyna dręcząc mnie
Kobieto weź ogarnij się
Za chwilę tu nie będzie mnie

Ja wychodzę z domu
Ciemną nocą po kryjomu
Uciekam od żony
Jej gadaniem już znudzony
Jadę na milano
Poflirtować z młodą panną
Bo gdy nie ma Ciebie
Jestem jak bóg młody w niebie (x2)

Ja wychodzę z domu
Ja wychodzę z domu

Ja wychodzę z domu
Ciemną nocą po kryjomu
Uciekam od żony
Jej gadaniem już znudzony
Jadę na milano
Poflirtować z młodą panną
Bo gdy nie ma Ciebie
Jestem jak bóg młody w niebie (x2)

Yours lazily.

Miłego weekendu! (Have a nice weekend!)

Ha

Ha Ha

Ha Ha Ha

Ha Ha Ha Ha

ZM,

Jared Gimbel

The Cosmi Language: What? Why? How?

After a long time in which I was keeping this language project secret, it is high time for me to have it revealed!

I’ve showed you some languages from some far-off places. But perhaps maybe you wondered if there was any language that has its origins in…OUTER SPACE?

Well, in this interesting life of ours, if you could probably think it up, chances are that it exists somewhere. And guess what? There is a space language!

Not only that, it also has a flag!

The Cosmi Language,  as it is now called, split off from Russian as a result of work on distant space stations, not unlike the way that Afrikaans became separate from Dutch (once upon a time it was known as “Cape Dutch”). The word “Cosmi” is a shorthand form of the Russian words “космический язык”, which translates to English as “Space language”.

It is miraculous how such a language developed in such a short span of time, and the fact is, that there are lots and lots of materials for learning the Cosmi Language, the first-ever Earthling language that originated in outer space!

Pros: the grammar is extraordinary simple. There are no articles, nouns, adjectives, prepositions, interjections, verbs, adverbs, or any other part of speech, for that matter.

Cons: The pronunciation. This includes every single difficult sound in every language that you’ve ever heard of and beyond. Five different “ch” sounds from Dutch, Hebrew, German and, of course, Russian. The nasal vowels from Portuguese and Polish? They’re in! The Zulu/Xhosa click sounds? Yup! And let’s not forget the “ll” of Welsh fame and the “q” from Inuk Languages. They make appearances, too!

Perhaps you are wondering what this language actually looks like in its written form? Well, interestingly, I got one of my friends who currently works at a space station (I was prohibited from divulging his/her/its name on account of leaking classified information) who translated one of my existing blogposts into Cosmi.

Enjoy!

Gvfw dws Káea sdtegltwsana, bs emzlmeaf emf bmjvvsšsf szlw em vadda Káea cmdlmnjsaf dws zma ájlwl emffbw, bs esav bmjvvsšal fm em mklatsl (emzlg aa bmgzcwzsš, em eawdsk). Vánbá bmjvvsšsf “Esffw sewjazcádsš / bmnvvádsš xwjlw zmhesl bs čsddal Káewyawds? Esffw kgf zádaavs jawhesl vsccáj eálcca, bmk kmf aa dwsl káhewdsš vszbw kcsfvafánsdsš?” Em ávbá twsjsš dwsl Jmgŧsk wjwl, emzlg vsđa tszátml wsl ygskkwyw dwsl vwsannsvsf. Em zmesf jmgŧsyawds em bsya Jmgŧsk vazlw, bs emf esav dwsf áaygf gszhhsl tmgjwl em kgys zaklgjbbá tajjs. Káeayawds gszhszmk emk aa dwsl wscla kanns, bs vátádsččsl emk kanns aa ygskkwyw dwsl yg emf áayymf gszhhsl gđđs yawds (g.v. Csdssddakmlyawdds, Cgjfsyawdds, Afmclalmlsyawdds). Em eáffánmgđs áayyw, emf gnllg daacgbaf emgzllsyaa bs fsa emf dgzcwf klmgjjál cájllsyajbaav. Emf ywzččwf Wmjgzhá , bs bmjvvsšwvbwf “ Gjjmlyg gdtegl Xaffeájcmk bs Kdsntsjv:ak?” Jmgŧsk (yg emf klmvwjwbaf Klguczgdesk) esŋážskkaa vwsannsvwaeew—Káea Cmdlmnjs, Vánnaksewyawdds, bs emf— Kcsfkwf:ak bs esavváa vsnnajaaccsdsš emkwsk. Emf vmgđsk af ygskkwyw bázccáf szlw Sewjazccá dws em wscla jmgnllmwsfs, bs fsa emk dws jszčsemš yskccsk em kgys twsdal. Em ázčča dwsl bmnvvádsš kgysk wjwl, bs em wsvfa sewjazcádsš kgysk wjwl (vád em wsvfa dws fsa bmnvvádsš , esŋŋad gnvsd kaf zwsbsl). Káea eáadtea ávvwzsvvá emffbw gska em kawdm bs xwsjáfs kgys—kgzcs xwsjáfaaf eaa dws esav em awžsk wsddaeak